It is believed that modesty is the best decoration of man. There are many proverbs, sayings and stories on folk creativity on this topic. But excessive modesty and shyness not only does not decorate, but often simply complicates life in society. Recall at least a banal fear to speak with an unfamiliar person or about that compression in an unfamiliar company.
Where does the legs grow from?
Why one person feels in the public as a fish in the water, and can charm even evil cerper, and for the other - to ask the driver of the minibus to stop at the desired stop is the feat of the whole life?
The reasons are as different as different people. But most often the roots of excessive shyness go far away in childhood. And the details are already distinguished: or parents were too strict and controlled every step of the child, or between parents and the child did not have emotional connections, or, for example, their parents paid attention to only when he brought five from school. Shy parents are more likely shy children, since parents are an example for imitation.
It is a tremendous step towards solving a problem. Sometimes it is not easy, especially if the memories are accompanied by unpleasant emotions. But such measures are needed in order to get rid of unnecessary shyness to understand how the key to move in solving the problem.
Learn the reasons for shyness
Another important movement towards overcoming fears is to analyze the situation and find out what precisely provokes. If you are cracking to call unfamiliar people by phone or feel embarrassed in a new company, what exactly causes this feeling? If this is, for example, the fear is not to find the necessary words, it's about to dial the number (you can even record important items to probably discuss them) or invent a couple of universal topics for conversations or jokes that will help avoid embarrassing silence.
If the fear is caused by external factors (for example, we are afraid of the wrong reaction from the interlocutor), then it is more difficult to cope with that. It is necessary to understand that everything is impossible to like everyone, and even more so perfocively planning the entire communication process. And if something went wrong, as I wanted, what about? Yes, an unpleasant moment (perhaps only in your head), with whom it does not happen. Life because of this does not end and not even spoil. So why experience?
Watch fear
Perhaps this is one of the most banal councils that can only be, but also one of the most effective. No matter how you searched the magic pill, which will help to liberate, no doctor will write it down. You yourself will have to be this pill. Yes, the same phone call to an unknown subscriber will torture for the first time, but already the twentieth outgoing call will become so ordinary thing that you will only be surprised at your former fear.
One psychologist gave a great advice on this: "Pretend until you become so." Want to become a soul company? Watch yourself as if you are already. Draw yourself a model of behavior of the person who want to be, and follow it. You can start with the details, gradually adding new changes, you can drastically change the image as you want. Next, this behavior will go into the habit, but, of course, it cannot be said that completely painless and easily.
Change personal settings
Thinking of a person directly determines his behavior. If you think that all my life will be a loser, then you will be. Again, the banal phrases, but the bike here is not invent. Do not underestimate yourself in advance and find yourself for failure. If you yourself do not believe in your own strength and success, then why should others believe in you?
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